My parents were divorced when I was about 3 years old. I never knew my father growing up as my mother made sure he was not a part of my life. All Christmas and birthday cards were destroyed before I got to see them.
One day my mother and stepfather picked me up from school and said, “Quick! Get in the car! Your father is back in town and wants to see you.“ As I jumped in the car, I noticed a gun in the back seat. This set my heart racing.
Read MoreYes, that’s right. By the name of the title you already know what’s happening.
Back. To. Facebook.
“Why?” You ask? Or maybe it’s more like, “I told you so!” Well, that’s why! Because you told me so. You’re right!
If you’re reading this for the first time, let me fill you in.
Read MoreThe recovery process is a rollercoaster.
There’s an expectation that when the addiction stops, so do the issues. Now that the dreaded addiction is gone, your life can go back to normal. The problem is, there is no “normal” anymore. After addiction, your normal is “dysfunctional”. Normal is “messy”. Normal is “chaos”. Normal is “fighting”. Normal is “tension”. Normal is “mistrusting”. Normal is “out of control”.
First and foremost, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17 NIV) If your friend’s husband is in active addition, this is definitely a time of adversity. This is going to be one of the hardest things she ever goes through. Supporting her and letting her know you’ve got her back is probably the thing she needs the most right now. Don’t just tell her you’re praying for her, but actually do it. Get on your knees and pray that God will give her strength and guidance because she’s going to need it. While you’re at it, pray for her husband too.
Read MoreAfter many years of struggling with an addicted father, our family relationships were on thin ice. For the past few years, my sisters and I completely disagreed on how to deal with my dad while still supporting our mom. I vividly remember fights I had with both of my sisters where they were either really mad with something I did or vice versa. During one of these disagreements with my sister, a question from childhood came to my head that began to guide every decision I made when it came to my father. What would Jesus ACTUALLY do?
Read MoreIt’s hard to love someone who hurts us over and over again; addicts hurt people.
When my husband was in active addiction, he made me feel like I was losing my mind. My intuition would kick in, and I’d sense something wasn’t right. I would ask him about it and he would turn it back onto me. Accusing me of, “Focusing on the negative” or give some overly-detailed, incredible story to explain the situation. As it turns out, most of the time my intuition was spot on! I had not let my imagination get the best of me. My husband was gaslighting me, one of many types of psychological abuse.
Read MoreThe atmosphere of our home is important. In fact, I would encourage any woman reading this to make their home's atmosphere one of their steadfast boundaries and top priorities. The goalpost on personal boundaries can move as we figure out what’s reasonable and what's not or what worked and what didn’t. As far as the home is concerned, it’s best served as a place of refuge. If we have children, this is even more important!
I would bet that if you have a loved one actively addicted to something, you can feel the difference when they’re in the room. I’m sorry to say it, but that’s the enemy at work and entering your home through sin. You wouldn’t knowingly invite the devil in, so why allow him a seat at your table?
Read MoreMother’s day is coming.
Though I try to keep my expectations low, I cannot help but hope that this year will be the year I'm treated like the princess I’d like to be. The queen of the nest. The cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. In reality, mothers are more of a well-oiled factory than we are the shining star of the show. The world says the state of our product determines our efficiency- never mind, all our employees are treated like gold, given bonuses on holidays and enjoy their family Christmas party each year. No, the product (children!), which we have no control over, determines our value.
Read MoreThings change and are different than they seem. We lived a life that was not what people thought it was. We weren’t who people saw when they looked at us, although to them, we were. However, when we walked through the doors of the rehab hospitals, our looks matched where we were. We mimicked the responses and the actions of those who sat in the circle around us. Some new, some seasoned and we were both at different times. Each time we entered, we were hardened a little more. We appeared to have it all- nice clothes, nice cars, a nice house, but not a home and not a mother.
Read MoreI sat there alone in the dark and prayed to a God I hadn’t spoken to in over 15 years.
I begged Him to answer my burning questions. Am I the only one who is so lost? Why did my husband drink so much? Why do I continually make so many wrong choices when it comes to marriage? Why did my dad die such a horrible death?
Read MoreAddiction is an insatiable beast. There’s really no way to sugarcoat this tragic reality. Once the beast of addiction has sunk its claws into its victim, everything begins to change. The sparkling person once full of life no longer has the light shining from their eyes. In its place is a dull and empty glaze. The person that was once present, caring and transparent has become elusive, angry, and numbed to reality.
Read MoreDear Mama,
This is for you. I know this Mother’s Day isn’t the one you hoped for. I know that you feel forgotten and alone. Unappreciated. Possibly even, invisible. Which is why I want you to know that I see you. I see how hard you work behind the scenes to keep that well-oiled machine of a family running (some days, simply squeaking by). I know how much thought, time and effort you put into caring for the ones you love the most. How you think about them, and their well-being all the time, even though it seems that they don’t notice.
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