Hello, I'm Leah Grey.
Closet-writer turned blogger and founder of Grey Ministries.
I didn't intend to start a ministry. I wish I could tell you what compelled me to start blogging but I honestly don't know. I have always loved to write. Truth be told, before I had even started a blog, I impulsively spent five hundred dollars on a blogging course.
"Going... to... do... something... have... to... change... my... life..." I thought as I determinedly punched in my credit card numbers.
My story began like so many romance movies do; Small-town girl meets big-city boy. They fall in love. They have a whirlwind romance.
As a young girl, I sat in my lavender coloured bedroom cutting out fashion ads from magazines while wishing on stars twinkling outside my bedroom window for God to take me on the adventure of a lifetime. I believed that I belonged in New York. A belief that was only reinforced when I visited it for the first time on my nineteenth birthday trip with my mom, "I'm home!" I thought to myself as we caught glimpses of the skyline as our tour bus approached the city.
I didn't believe that God would really send this small-town dreamer to New York City. That is, until I met my husband on my first New Year's Eve outing in five years as a young, single mother. Tall, dark and handsome he was from none other than the illustrious New York City.
It had to be fate.
I had no doubts about him and within eight months, we were married.
But before long, New York would break my heart. Not in the way a boyfriend does, it was so much more disappointing.
I should have known that my dreams weren't going to be as I expected when my son and I moved into what was supposed to be a temporary, bachelor-sized (a.k.a. tiny!) Jersey City Heights apartment. Nothing against New Jersey, of course, but it wasn't the fashion-forward Manhattan neighbourhood I had initially dreamed of. Coming from rural, Ontario, Canada, I told myself that all five flights of stairs we had to climb with our groceries from the Latin supermarket were a dream come true.
Looking back, I can see the many mistakes I made but isn't that how life goes? As Joyce Meyer says, "We live life forward but we understand it backwards". Naive as I was and swept up in the adventure, I didn't realize my husband was struggling with an addiction. It wasn't until he entered treatment that I was forced to face what was in front of me all the while.
The man I loved had a very real problem.
Being fairly new to the city and having had made only two friends, I didn't want to tell anyone what was going on because I was too overwhelmed to fathom what was happening, let alone put it into words. My family was emotionally involved and it seemed to do more damage to talk to them than it did to keep quiet. Al-Anon wasn't an option because I didn't have (and couldn't afford) a babysitter for a night out (what a night out anyway, going to a meeting!).
I cannot begin to tell you how alone I felt.
Desperate for resources, I reached out to pastors and therapists in my community but received conflicting advice. New York was much grittier than I expected. Meanwhile, my husband's battle continued and as time went on, I began to see how deep the root of addiction could go.
In a city full of strangers, I didn't know where to turn.
As things progressed, being an "immigrant" (feels so weird to say that!), I knew I would be unable to support my children and myself living in the USA. So I picked up my childhood dreams and drove through heaping sobs and waterfalls of tears back to the Mennonite, farm country I grew up in to move back in with, (oh no!) oh yes, my parents.
With shattered dreams and my heart in pieces, I swore I would never return to New York.
From my beautiful but lonely apartment outside the city all the way back to my parent's basement in Southern Ontario, I realized it was just me and God. Though I had lost all faith in my husband's ability to be the husband I so desired, I decided with an intense determination that I would not lose faith in God. Through it, God gave me hope for my life as I desperately clung to His promises.
"The Lord will fight for you; You need only to be still." -Exodus 14:14 (NIV)
I was not going to give up on my husband.
Our addiction journey has been the most challenging thing I have ever walked through and though my story has only begun, I can already see how God is using it for His glory. I am not a pastor, a med school grad or drug counsellor or even a super, tough, independent woman (though, I try).
I am a normal girl who chose to trust an extraordinary God.
For those of you who love a happy ending, my husband is currently in recovery, we are very much in love and I am incredibly proud of him. Like any good adventure, there are inevitable bumps ahead but I know now that whatever we may face, God has our lives in His loving hands.
If you're here now, I know how confusing this can be. I understand the burden, overwhelm and intense sadness. I have felt how hard every day can be when your everyday is a nightmare.
Grey Ministries exists to let you know you're not alone; God wants to fight this battle for you. He wants to lift your heavy burden off your shoulders, wipe your tears and gently lead you to your own happy ending.
Everything is going to be okay. You will make it through this. But even more amazing, you can be happy- in the middle of it.
In an intimate relationship with God, there is freedom for you from addiction. And as an added bonus- your loved one may follow.
Come, stay awhile, I'll show you the way.
"...And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” -Nehemiah 8:10 (ESV)
P.S. God did bring me back to New York! "Say, what?!" Stay tuned to read all the details of my story in my unpublished book, "No One Brings You a Casserole When Your Husband Goes to Rehab". Grand prize winner of the 2017 Word Guild Awards, "In the Beginning" Contest.
More about Grey Ministries
Grey Ministries launched in March, 2016 as "LeahGrey.com". It began as a blog created to encourage Christian women with loved ones struggling with an addiction but has since turned into a global ministry with the purpose of teaching steadfastness in our trials, intimacy with our Lord, Jesus Christ and challenging popular mindsets about addiction.
Don't be surprised if you read something that contradicts what the world tells us about addiction!
We offer daily support for women to weather the storm addiction brings with grace, mercy and strength; Making personal changes that change their lives and never losing focus on what really matters- Jesus, family and our identity in Christ.
"...we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope will not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
-Romans 5:3-5 (CSB)
The most popular resources from Grey Ministries for hope, encouragement and personal growth.
For the dreamer who has lost hope-
Imagine what it would feel like to be free from the bondage of addiction to become the woman God designed you to be: Empowered. Brave. Royal. If you need help finding God's peace in your life and breaking free from overwhelm, anxiety and anger, check out my popular 12-week Bible study, "The Be Still Series".
Subscribe to the Grey Ministries newsletter below and receive a special, subscriber-only discount code to save over 15% on your purchase!
For the woman who feels alone-
Join the, "Colour Me Happy" Facebook Community and be supported 24/7. It's a private, women-only, online Christian community to share, ask questions, vent, rant, rave, go crazy- whatever feels good! Don't have Facebook? I'm working on it! Watch for a Grey Ministries app in 2018/2019.
Sign up below to join the community.
For the boundaryless relationship-
Sign up for my free, three-day video series, "Breaking Up with Bad Boundaries" and learn the top six mistakes we make when it comes to making, enforcing and living out our personal boundaries. Prelude to my intensive eCourse on boundaries, "UnBound Me" [learn more about the epic video course here!].
Sign up below to begin your free mini-course today.
For when you can't let them go-
Giving up our loved ones to God is an emotional experience, to say the least! Learn how to let go of fear, guilt, inner doubt (and so much more!) when you sign up for our free, ten-week devotional series, "Let Go" devo, written by Grey Ministries very own, Kara B.
Sign up below to start today!