Recently, I asked my husband if he knew why I stayed with him. We had been talking about “what he put me through” (he was saying he knew it had been a lot) and it struck me, I tell people all the time why I stayed- but had I ever told him?
He thought for a moment and then for a good two minutes he went on about all of the reasons that he believed I stayed but it all boiled down to two sentiments:
“She is such a slut.”
“Have you noticed how much weight she’s gained? She’s gotten so fat.”
“She’s a horrible mom.”
“She thinks she’s so pretty, but she’s not. She’s ugly.”
“Her husband is such a loser. I can’t believe she is still with him.”
Ouch! Words really do hurt.
Past mistakes, debt, addiction and physical appearance are only a few of the factors that can influence our own personal self-evaluation, but our true value is found in the answer to this question: Who am I?
Read MoreValentine's Day is approaching and with it can come a host of emotions and responses, depending on one’s love life.
There’s the, “I LOVE Valentine’s Day!” women who always seem to get chocolates, flowers and dates.
There’s the, “I HATE Valentine’s Day” women who never get chocolates, flowers or dates.
There’s the neutral response, “It’s just another day” women who may have gotten chocolates, flowers or dates in the past, and may or may not this year, but it’s really not their thing.
And then, there’s the rest of us.
Read MoreAccording to Merriam Webster, a boundary is something that shows where an area ends and another area begins; a point or limit that indicates where two things become different.
Boundaries are then unofficial rules about what should not be done; limits that define acceptable behavior.
But when addiction takes root, boundaries become blurred, extended, trampled on, and unrecognizable. And the spouse of an addict can feel very disoriented and alone.
Read More“Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do...” -Luke 23:34 (KJV)
If you’ve ever had to suffer the wrath of the anger of an addict, you know the significance of this verse.
There are times that we take the brunt of the anger. We are the punching bag. Verbally beaten down, ridiculed and mocked. We become the enemy of the one we love.
And for what? Because we refused to give up on them? Refused to let them destroy themselves in their sinful squalor?
Read MoreFinding out you have a mental illness can be a tough pill to swallow. It can also provide relief and answers for those that have struggled with anxiety and depression.
“I’ve always felt like something in me is off, but it’s hard to explain”.
I remember hearing my husband speak those words to me a few times throughout the course of our marriage but I always brushed it off, “Everyone feels like that sometimes. I’m sure you’re fine” (I mean, we all have a little bit of crazy, right?!?).
Read MoreFor quite a few years now, I have been learning more and more about minimalism. I’ll preempt this by saying that I’m not a true minimalist by any means however I’m also not a huge consumer and have no problem getting rid of what I, or my family, doesn’t need.
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"Oh Lord, I trust you. I am believing you're going to make a way in my situation and provide for my needs. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"
Two days later...
"Lord, I really don't know how you're going to do this. He is never going to change. I am broke! I mean, broke- broke. I am going to be left with nothing but debt and a husband who is probably cheating on me. Lord, will you tell me if he is cheating? Lord, if he has cheated on me- smite him! I pray he feels overwhelmed with guilt. And gets herpes. Just don't let me get it- thanks, God".Read More
If you’re watching pornography behind your wife, fiancee or girlfriend’s back because it would hurt her to know what you’re doing- it’s a problem.
Blame it on growing up modestly (ahem, Mennonite country), I could go on for days about my issues with our overly-sexualized culture and how it impacts our relationships, children and self-esteem, but I won’t go into it here. What matters is the effect pornography has on some wives. If porn has negatively impacted your relationship, I’ve got some suggestions to "fix" it.
Read MoreI sat there alone in the dark and prayed to a God I hadn’t spoken to in over 15 years.
I begged Him to answer my burning questions. Am I the only one who is so lost? Why did my husband drink so much? Why do I continually make so many wrong choices when it comes to marriage? Why did my dad die such a horrible death?
Read MoreI had a picture in my mind of what I wanted my marriage to look like. I didn’t realize this of course when I was married but rather, down the road when my husband was not meeting my undisclosed requirements for a happy marriage.
Things like sit-down family dinners, who would read the bedtime stories and what movies were appropriate for children were foundational points I assumed everyone felt the same way about. Was that not the typical "American Dream"? Happy, wholesome, "Leave It to Beaver", family-oriented togetherness? I couldn't fathom that seemingly-simple lifestyle would not be as important for someone else as it was for me.
Read MoreDear wife of the sex addict,
Good morning, sweet lady. What’s good about it, though, right? Your whole world has been shaken, and you’re not even sure you can force yourself to put one foot in front of the other, much less agree that it’s a “good” morning. I know.
Everything you once knew and everything you once treasured is just... gone. All that was sure is no longer sure and you don’t understand. You feel lost... broken... lonely.
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