Unbound. Untangled. Unsnarled. Untwisted. Undone by God.
As I looked for help through my husband's battle with addiction, I was told by everyone to make and stick to boundaries.
I tried. I really did. They didn't work.
I made appointments with counsellors and pastors, read books and learned about healthy boundaries but no matter what I did, nothing brought me peace.
What was I doing wrong that I couldn't stick to my boundaries?
Was my husband okay and it was actually me who was now the problem?
Was it ever going to get better? Like, all the way better?
Could the promises of God coexist with addiction in the home? Yes!
God will take care of your loved one in HIS perfect timing.
One of the things God taught me was my healing couldn't stop progressing because my husband "wasn't well". Just because he was "sick", didn't mean I had to be "sick" too.
I went to the Great Physician!
Combined with counseling, making intentional changes to my physical health and enviornment, I finally began to truly heal.
Even though my husband was still a hot mess, I found victory! As challenging situations arose, where I previously would have been frustrated, angry or even had a panic attack, I was able to stay calm and grounded.
Of course, this impacted my husband too.
We're all for tough love, but tough love- with love.
One of the biggest indicators that what we're doing isn't working is a lack of peace. If you don't have peace about leaving your loved one, or kicking your rebellious child out of your home, we support you.
Why? Because we've been there!
However, we also know "healthy you" will handle this better than "unhealthy you".
In Grey Ministries, we support one another as a community as we work on our personal, emotional, and spiritual healing.
Because the honest truth of it is that all our attention always goes to the person with the addiction.
Meanwhile, while they go to therapy to open up the places of their souls they don't want to go, are given tools for recovery they don't want to learn, and have a team of people surrounding them that they wish would just go away- we're desperate for help.
Leaving is a form of "life procrastination".
It doesn't deal with the issue at-hand. Rash decisions can sometimes cause more problems or be harmful to our children, our marriage and/or ourselves.
"Go run, tell dat!" to the naysayers.
*Disclaimer, we are well aware there are appropriate and necessary times to kick their stealing, lying, abusive, manipulative butts to the curb and get out of God's way- but we will talk about that in detail later!
Addiction is a global epidemic.
Do you have any idea how many people are directly affected by addiction? Check this out!
"Again, truly I tell you, if two of you on earth agree about any matter that you pray for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there among them."
-Matthew 18:19-20 (CSB)
Dealing with a loved one's addiction alone is overwhelming, but together, we are an army.
- We WILL make a difference in how Christians treat people battling addiction.
- We WILL bring insight and understanding to the church on what addiction really is.
- We WILL make a difference in how many lives and families are restored.
- We WILL help women live shame-free after leaving unhealthy, often dangerous, relationships.
It's about more than making boundaries, it's approaching addiction God's way.
There is nothing we did that you can't do, too.
All are worthy of the Kingdom of God!
Please don't feel like we've done something amazing that you tried so hard to do right but couldn't, because you weren't good enough (you are!).
Is it possible that all you have been missing is this key ingredient in dealing with your loved one's addiction?
We're here to figure it out together! There is no "one-size-fits-all" solution for addiction recovery, repairing relationships, or leaving unhealthy situations.
'Cause it's complicated. 'Nuff said.
"Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
-Matthew 11:28-30 (CSB)
Grey is not my real last name, but maybe you knew that already.
When I started on my addiction journey, I was full of fear and shame. As much as I hate to admit it, I was worried about what people would think!
I knew what the stigma was like about addiction.
And to be honest, I bought into the stigma before going through it with my husband. My husband went to treatment and back again, and I believed in the "once an addict, always an addict" mentality.
Advice from other people didn't help; it made me feel worse than I already did. The more programs my husband worked, the worse I felt about his and my family's future.
It wasn't until I stopped listening to the world and tuned into what God was saying that I started to feel peace.
Much of what God told me to do wasn't what the world said. I met with a lot of opposition about my decisions from friends, family members and other people I respected.
It's difficult to stand your ground in a tumultuous situation when everyone in your life is telling you that you're wrong.
Thankfully, I knew God's voice, and was sure about what He was telling me to do, "Be still".
That's right. Do nothing.
So I did nothing.
I went to work as a hairstylist on commission and made literally NO money (seriously, I made $1000 take-home that year!), went home to my parent's house where my children and I lived, and visited my husband in long-term treatment once a month.
For one year, that was my life. I did as God said and continued to continue on, even when it didn't make sense.
I'd love to tell you the whole story, but as you can see, God did something big in my life while I was "doing nothing" in my parent's basement because that was where I started a blog.
Now, I help women all over the world to find hope and healing in the midst of their loved one's addictions.
Catch that? In the middle of it.
Not when everything is perfect, not when they've made it ten years sober, not when they've started walking in the call God has on their lives- now.
It's my heart to help you become the best version of yourself in this season. To take the story that God has allowed you to live and turn it into what set you on the path to fulfilling your life purpose as the daughter of a King.
Whether you're at the beginning of your journey, the wilderness or coming over the mountain of victory (hallelujah!), Grey Ministries is here to support you.
I created the UnBound Me program to teach you the keys that God showed me along the way that have helped me to separate myself from my husband's pain while still loving him, staying by his side in a healthy way, and faithfully fighting for our marriage.
UnBound Me is not just another eCourse. It's a thriving community filled with prayer, friendship and imparting the gifts and words from the Holy Spirit into the lives of the weary.
"Where two agree, it will be done for them in heaven." (Mat. 18:19)
I am agreeing with you in your season for the breakthrough. For chains to be broken and ropes untied from the kingdom of darkness.
"Though I [we] walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I [we] will fear no evil..." (Psalm 23:4)
Now is your time. Today is the day you begin to live free. The mountain is only as big as you make it.
I've been featured on...
Need more information? No problem!
Here's what you're getting:
This course is for you if...
√ You don't know what, "You need to make boundaries" means
√ You have boundaries made but they don't work and you're not sure why
√ You have good boundaries made (they're working!) but you have trouble following through once they've been broken
√ You're the wife, mother or other close female relative of someone struggling with, or in recovery from, addiction
√ Your loved one is addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling or pornography
√ You want to align your boundaries with God's Word and "do this" God's way
√ You want to learn how to react to sin with grace and cut the drama out of your life
This course is not a good fit for you if...
√ You aren't willing to make personal changes in your own life (this course is not to help you fix them! It's to heal you!)
√ Don't have some kind of relationship with a loved one struggling with an addiction
√ You prefer to do things the way modern culture and the scientific community suggests
√ You're a man. We will get to you one day, men. Promise!
√ You're trying to escape a physically abusive relationship. Please protect yourself and seek professional help before trying to make boundaries around dangerous relationships. If you need help, please call the Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233.
You'll have lifetime access to all the lessons and also any future bonus videos (*note, not the Facebook community but we have alternative online communities available).
The course is fully optimized for easy viewing and interaction on any smartphone or tablet, if you prefer to work on-the-go.
All of the worksheets are PDF-fillable which means you can save the trees (and your computer ink!) by filling them out on the computer and saving for future reference.
Are you kinda old-school? Me too. You can also print them out to fill out by hand!
Course Outline: Four Steps to Freedom
Applying Basic Principles of Boundaries
Implementing New or Refreshed Boundaries
Living Out Boundaries
The October Session Guests
+ Lifetime access to the entire UnBound Me eCourse material
+ Live group coaching calls with Leah Grey
+ Secret Facebook community for fellowship and friendship
+ Exclusive access, only 30 women accepted each month!
+ Bonus training by guest speakers Dr. Grant Mullen and Janine Van Wyk of the Oval Group
Have questions? Here are some answers!
How long is the course?
The course is for 21 days (twenty-one days to break a habit!) I've broken the course down into four steps. Each step has five videos about ten to fifteen minutes long each. Plus, there will be many live videos and bonuses for you to go through.
What's expected of me?
You'll be responsible to do the work. I can give you the tools you need to find joy in your season but it's up to you whether you use them. Another important note, we're all in a different place in our relationship with God. It's not a relationship that develops quickly overnight so be patient if you're new to Christianity or God seems far away!
What currency is the price in?
The price is in American Dollars.
How long will I be able to access the course
Forever! Upon purchasing, you'll be sent a password to unlock the course pages on our website. The Facebook group-coaching portion fo the course with Leah Grey lasts for thirty-days but the recorded videos will be uploaded onto the website for you to reference at your convenience.
What makes UnBound Me different from books and other courses on making boundaries?
First and foremost, this course is about making God-centered boundaries. The second big difference is the way it's taught. We don't go to school to learn how to handle life (maybe we should!). UnBound Me is set up as an interactive, educational course where we learn and support one another as a community.
What if I have questions or need help with something?
You can chat within the UnBound Me Facebook group! I also highly encourage joining the Colour Me Happy Community to ask questions and be supported on your journey when the group-coaching ends.
Is the group actually private?
Yes! It's 100% private. No one from your personal Facebook account will be able to see what you post, like or share. The group will be "closed" (still private) during registration and once registration is closed, it will be made a "secret" group (no one can find us! ha. ha. ha.).
If you did the work but you’re not happy with your purchase in the first thirty days, let me know and I’ll give you a full refund- no questions asked.
But, I’m so sure that these principles will benefit your personal emotional health, that if after sixty days (two months!) you’re still not happy about your purchase, you’ve watched all the videos and applied the principles, I’ll give you a full refund AND I’ll jump onto a call with you for thirty minutes to chat about what’s been going on.