Living with a loved one in recovery is an entirely different thing than life in active addiction. Each season needs its own specific course of action and entirely different approach.When our loved ones are in active addiction everything from finances to their whereabouts is in question; "Who are they with? What are they doing? Why are they late? Who are they on the phone with? Why did they take their phone in the bathroom?"
Read MoreWhile it is tempting to equate all kinds of abuse as pretty much the same, narcissistic abuse has a few characteristics outside the boundaries of emotional abuse. Obviously narcissistic abusers are emotionally abusive, but the goals of a narcissist are significantly different from those of a person who is emotionally abusive. Knowing the difference is helpful. Narcissistic abuse requires a different approach to recovery, though the healing path from any kind of abuse is difficult.
Read More“So I read this thing the other day…”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah. It was about marriage and it sounded like ours.”
“Mm-hmm.” (eye roll)
“Don’t roll your eyes. It said there are men who avoid intimacy. Intimate conversations, intimate moments, everything to do with intimacy.”
“What? I don’t avoid intimacy, you sexy thing.”
“Sex is a surface thing, that doesn’t count.”
“Hm. Well, I think so. Yes, it’s a surface thing, I guess…” (not listening)
“Gah. Never mind.”
Read MoreIt was my fear of divorce that kept me from escaping a narcissistic abuser for fourteen years. Now, seventeen years out from that disaster, my regrets center around not leaving far earlier. I lived in a lot of denial for years. One has to cultivate denial in order to survive, much less stay, in a marriage that was as abusive as mine.
Read MoreDear Mama,
This is for you. I know this Mother’s Day isn’t the one you hoped for. I know that you feel forgotten and alone. Unappreciated. Possibly even, invisible. Which is why I want you to know that I see you. I see how hard you work behind the scenes to keep that well-oiled machine of a family running (some days, simply squeaking by). I know how much thought, time and effort you put into caring for the ones you love the most. How you think about them, and their well-being all the time, even though it seems that they don’t notice.
Read MoreAs you know, once a month I've been posting an excerpt from my personal journals in The Grey Diaries to show you my journey from where I was to where I am today. Though the story I've been sharing with you is mine, it is largely also my husband's. I've tried to be respectful of his story as it's not my place to tell it but in order to give you a true picture of how God's love can change a life, he has graciously allowed me to share his letters to me, with you.
Read MoreThis is a question I hear often but has a very complicated answer. While the definition of addiction is the same across the board and the behaviours for each type of addiction come out, in the same manner, the actual addiction itself does need to be treated differently. So I’m going to say, it depends on what your loved one is addicted to.
I’m going to split this into the “big four” addictions. Some of these, I have up-close and personal experience with while others I do not, so if you’re the spouse of said addiction and you’re like, “Ummm, Leah, that’s whack advice!” I'm so sorry, that’s totally okay by me.
Read MoreEvery young girl dreams her own fairytale. Though each story is different we do all want the same thing. It isn’t that we all dream of being saved by princes, that’s not the case at all. What we really dream of is being the confident heroine of our story, admired for our inner strength, beauty and wisdom. We want to love and be loved.
Read MoreDon’t rush, no pressure.
Everyone who knows me well, knows I love Justin Bieber. I’m sorry if you just lost all respect for me but I'm Canadian so I’m going to claim ignorance. The Biebs has gotten wiser in his trials and there’s some real nuggets of wisdom in his songs (albeit grammatical errors but wisdom nonetheless). One of my favourites is, “You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now, don’t rush, no pressure”.
Read MoreHe and I met at a concert on New Year’s Eve and little did I know it at the time, but my life was about to dramatically change. We were married and I relocated to New York with my then, four-year-old son. For the most part, the change was slow and went mostly unnoticed. With moving and the excitement of the city, I was too preoccupied to see anything out of the ordinary about my marriage. It wasn’t until I became pregnant that I noticed my husband’s facade of lies start to crumble.
Read MoreDo you REALLY know the difference between prayerful and pushover?
If you’ve lived with an addict, you may have found yourself becoming the unofficial peacemaker. You learned how to manage tension and prevent tempers from flaring. You may push away your feelings or overlook wrong behaviours because your world revolves around keeping other people happy.
If you’re like I was, you probably didn’t see it in the beginning (or now!). But the "peacemaker" mentality is more than likely there.
Read MorePicture yourself standing on the edge of a cliff of a tall mountain.
It's dark outside and the earth is quiet. You hear only a few crickets and the wind as it gently whistles through the trees. There is no one around, it's only you and God...
What would you do?
You would be still.
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