Dear Diary: It's Time For Me to Go
This is an inside look into my real, personal diary of how my story developed over the past few years. I started out as a small-town girl in a rural Canadian beach town and ended up in New York City on quite the crazy adventure.
I hope you enjoy this series! Please leave me a comment and say, "Hi!". If you're a woman with a loved one struggling with an addiction join us in the, "Colour Me Happy" Community for you to be supported through your loved ones addiction.
Also! In case you haven't heard, my Bible Study, The Be Still Series (Which is more like a mini-course than a Bible Study) on how to stop worrying about things and trust God with the desires of our hearts is being re-released October 17, 2016.
God bless and thanks for reading! XO
The Grey Diaries | June 26, 2013
As moving day approaches I've been feeling my anxiety rear it's ugly head.
There are specific times in my life when I felt this way. I could tell you about each one in ridiculously accurate detail but I’ll spare the specifics. What I will say is that like all the other times I'm feeling panicky and seeing myself quick to anger, waking up irritable and becoming frustratingly clumsy. Why is it that you always have to stub your toe or get your shorts caught in the door when you’re already upset (Yes, that just happened!)??!! Anxiety is a terrible thing. [Related Reading: When the Happy Girl Gets an Anxiety Disorder]
One the other hand, this stress is different than my usual, “There's too much happening at once and my life is spiraling out of my control” type of stress. This time, it’s good stress. I saw a rare opportunity at my fingertips to reach out and live a great adventure... so I grabbed hold. I'm about to leave behind all I know, and most of what I own, with my precious wee one (I would never leave him behind, he's got his toy cars picked out for the ride!) and I'm taking a leap of faith for love.
This is what people spend their lives writing great love songs about... so shouldn't this be the most fulfilling, exciting, experience of my life? Why do I find myself worrying about leaving behind a few (very nice) pairs of shoes? Okay, a lot of very nice pairs of shoes. It’s so easy to preach about material things not being important but don't say it before you give up all your belongings or Jesus is going to teach you a lesson! I’m sure I've been guilty of making naive comments, which I know now, I knew nothing about.
Now I can say, it isn’t the importance of the “thing” that matters... its the comfort in having things around you that remind you of home.
It strikes me silly with understanding of the value a memory can add to a THING. There's great comfort found in the blanket you used for picnics with your brother in the field behind your house and the framed picture of your son on his first-ever first day of school (First-ever! My goodness he's getting so big). The gifts your Mother lovingly picked gave you for Christmas were never intended to live in the basement in a box.
Memories don't belong in boxes.
Unlike people who've experienced real tragedy, I know I'll be able to one day reclaim my belongings. I'm thankful I haven’t lost my sentimental material memories to a flood, fire, hurricane or the like. I can’t imagine how it must feel to grow your family, work to fill a home with joyful artifacts and see your memories wash away with a storm. I know, it's not the thing you remember, it’s the relationships. But I happen to have a bad memory and those things help me to remember!
Although it’s easier said than done I've come to one conclusion; you have to love the adventure.
Change is good for the soul and memories aren't left behind, they're lived. I've challenged myself to make new memories, treat what life hands me with joy and positivity and enjoy the wind blowing through my hair on my travels. While I’m smiling at the sun I will remember that my life is an adventure worth living!
After all, it’s only a bunch of stuff... and I can always buy new shoes :)
“It’s time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad and I’d much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure."
- Ernie Harwell