Dear Diary: Lord, What Can I Do?

The Grey Diaries is back! 

Looking back, I can see where there is the beginning of a seed of ministry. It's pretty cool because look at where God took this, today! Even in the midst of hard times, He is faithful. 

I know many of you have a desire to go into ministry. Speaking from my own experience, it's a healing experience to share your story with others and see how it helps them. If you're considering ministry and don't know what to do, or you're not ready to go public- please send me an email!

Next year is going to be all about helping women use their testimonies and personal experiences to minister to other women. It's about raising each other up and uniting together to bring real change to the forefront of the battle against addiction. Together, we can shine the light of truth into dark situations and be effective helpers for the Kingdom of God. 

I'm really excited about it- how about you?! Leave a comment below if God has given you a desire (or seed!) to help other women. 

I can't do this effectively without YOU!

The Grey Diaries | Tuesday, February 3, 2015-

The Grey Diaries: A personal journey of transformation from a young Christian girl's journals. Writing through her husband's struggle with substance addiction, Leah Grey goes through the most challenging battle her faith would ever have to face. Can a marriage be saved after addiction? Read now or pin for later! 
“Talent is universal; opportunity is not”. -Nicholas Kristof

It’s been a week since I last wrote. My brother came to help me out and give me some support but he has gone home. I really miss him! It was so nice to have him here.

It made me realize I really need support. I need help from a church community and emotional support from my friends and family. I don’t have a community I feel I can lean on here.

I don’t know what God wants to come to my life out of this but, “From now on I will proclaim that YOU are in control and YOU’RE handling my future in the way YOU designed from the beginning”.

Step one, move to Canada (together) and start fresh with family support. 

Step two, stop being angry at my husband.

He called today and I yelled at him. I was upset because I felt he wasn’t understanding me (of course he didn't understand that either).

Oie- I pray for patience, Lord. I pray You help me to forgive him because I certainly can’t on my own. [What is forgiveness anyway? Click here to read the top answers about forgiveness from Christian bloggers all over the web.]

If I could call my husband I would apologize for getting upset. I would also tell him I'm feeling extremely anxious today about his pending return and the future of our relationship. I wish I had Christian women in similar situations to talk to- I feel so isolated. It's me and Jesus! [Ah, ha! The seed for the idea for Grey Ministries!] Thank goodness I have my wonderful little boys bouncing around and causing a ruckus to keep me entertained! 

When I am overwhelmed, I dream. I dream daily. I want to do something good but I don’t know what or how or where or when!!!

“And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work...” -Colossians 1:9-10 (ESV)

I know I have a calling to my kids but I cannot shake the feeling I want to do more.

Leah Grey Twitter

Click to Tweet: God plants the seed long before you see the harvest. Keep dreaming! He is faithful.  

The pastor from Hope Center Church once said (summarizing and paraphrasing) “Do you know your neighbour's names? Do they know Jesus? Do they know that you’re a Christian? Do you invite them over to eat and share the love of God? Why would God send you to help in another country when you haven’t even reached out to your neighbours where you live?”.

I see his point. There is plenty of poverty in our hometowns- why wouldn’t we start helping there? Although I think he missed out on a key point- some of us have a PASSION for other places. There are people who feel a connection with certain countries or people or situations- the ministry on their heart may not have been born in their backyard. 

In fact, to be honest, I don't even think what he said was Biblical, "But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own country, among his own relatives, and in his own house” -Mark 6:4 (NKJV).  Don't be afraid to question what you hear from behind the podium. Just sayin'.

We each have our own calling. 

My ministry might be human trafficking. Possibly something to do with teen pregnancy or being a single mom. Maybe addiction.

How can I get involved safely? What can I do to help? Should I donate clothing and toys to women in need? Buy handmade goods from human trafficking survivors? Participate in bike rides and raise money for charities already doing that work? Awkwardly bring up hard topics time and time again even though it makes people socially uncomfortable? Tattoo “Not For Sale” on my body? (Done!).

I want to help but I don't know what God wants me to do.  

I’ve been watching this movie called, “A Path Appears” and they talk a lot about how we give too much assistance on the back end of problems. For example, we have jails and therapy post-abuse instead of preventing crime and abuse in the first place, we arrest Johns buying girls and try to get girls off the streets instead of teaching boys sexually healthy habits and teaching girls to respect themselves.

There's a foundation in Columbia called the Juan Felipe Gomez Escobar Foundation and they encourage helping on the front end of social issues as it is much more effective; Providing education, job training, teaching self-confidence and self-worth, helping with childcare and facilitating a support network for first-time pregnancies. The other thing they try to do is create "mini-influencers" who would take their newfound confidence and knowledge to help another girl in need.

If 400 girls leave a facility and each one helped even one girl all of a sudden you have 800 girls, 800 quickly turns into 1600... it’s a brilliant business model. A real-life version of "paying it forward". And such a better way to do God's work. Preventative support. Confidence-building mini-influencers. That's a community I want to serve. 

Leah Grey Twitter

Click to Tweet: Prevent social issues by treating insecurity, building confidence and teaching healthy boundaries.

Anyway, not sure what to do with this knowledge now that I have it but I’ll pray about it! Mom suggested yesterday morning I take Early Childhood Education, which isn’t something I would ever consider but then later that evening I watched this show... which basically said the best way to help PREVENT human trafficking is to educate kids. Is God sending me a message? I don't know. 

I pray for wisdom, opportunity, clarity and the good sense to know when I have an answer!! 

What do you want me to do, Lord? What is it? I'm listening!

[Clearly, it wasn't early childhood education! Click here to read the post that started it all, "Be Still and Know".