You know those people that speak their thoughts and react without even thinking, and even when they do reign in the strength to shut it, the look on their face tells it all? Yeah, that's me. I wear my feelings on my face.
Being submissive is not natural for me. As much as I try to be nice, my nonexistent filter interferes. This is why writing works better; there is a delete button.
"He's not going to boss me around."
"I didn't marry him to be his servant."
Read MoreIt’s hard to love someone who hurts us over and over again; addicts hurt people.
When my husband was in active addiction, he made me feel like I was losing my mind. My intuition would kick in, and I’d sense something wasn’t right. I would ask him about it and he would turn it back onto me. Accusing me of, “Focusing on the negative” or give some overly-detailed, incredible story to explain the situation. As it turns out, most of the time my intuition was spot on! I had not let my imagination get the best of me. My husband was gaslighting me, one of many types of psychological abuse.
Read MoreThe atmosphere of our home is important. In fact, I would encourage any woman reading this to make their home's atmosphere one of their steadfast boundaries and top priorities. The goalpost on personal boundaries can move as we figure out what’s reasonable and what's not or what worked and what didn’t. As far as the home is concerned, it’s best served as a place of refuge. If we have children, this is even more important!
I would bet that if you have a loved one actively addicted to something, you can feel the difference when they’re in the room. I’m sorry to say it, but that’s the enemy at work and entering your home through sin. You wouldn’t knowingly invite the devil in, so why allow him a seat at your table?
Read MoreMother’s day is coming.
Though I try to keep my expectations low, I cannot help but hope that this year will be the year I'm treated like the princess I’d like to be. The queen of the nest. The cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. In reality, mothers are more of a well-oiled factory than we are the shining star of the show. The world says the state of our product determines our efficiency- never mind, all our employees are treated like gold, given bonuses on holidays and enjoy their family Christmas party each year. No, the product (children!), which we have no control over, determines our value.
Read MoreThings change and are different than they seem. We lived a life that was not what people thought it was. We weren’t who people saw when they looked at us, although to them, we were. However, when we walked through the doors of the rehab hospitals, our looks matched where we were. We mimicked the responses and the actions of those who sat in the circle around us. Some new, some seasoned and we were both at different times. Each time we entered, we were hardened a little more. We appeared to have it all- nice clothes, nice cars, a nice house, but not a home and not a mother.
Read MoreWhen it comes to health and beauty, the Bible is a handbook that is often overlooked. Essential oils are repeatedly mentioned in the Bible for uses such as aromatherapy, healing, cleansing and anointing. Even the Apostles used essential oils! When God created the Earth, He gave us everything we would need to live a healthy life as well as the tools to keep ourselves feeling fabulous while doing it!
Read MoreOnce upon a time...
There was a girl. Her beautiful spirit and tender heart were qualities bestowed upon her by the King Himself. Like a rare bird, she soared through life never knowing what the day would bring nor worrying about it either.
She was free.
Read MoreIn my marriage, there have been many ups and downs. I'd love to say there have been more ups than downs but I feel like that may be a lie. But it's not like I have been feeling bad for all these years!
Do you know what I mean?
In addiction circles, they call this, “practicing detachment” which essentially means we aren’t allowing the decisions and actions of others to affect our mood, thoughts and feelings.
I teach a lesson on detachment in my eCourse on how to make good, Godly boundaries. The course, 'UnBound Me', is currently being updated and will be relaunched later in 2018 but today, I’d like to talk more in-depth about detachment.
Read MoreRecently, I asked my husband if he knew why I stayed with him. We had been talking about “what he put me through” (he was saying he knew it had been a lot) and it struck me, I tell people all the time why I stayed- but had I ever told him?
He thought for a moment and then for a good two minutes he went on about all of the reasons that he believed I stayed but it all boiled down to two sentiments:
“She is such a slut.”
“Have you noticed how much weight she’s gained? She’s gotten so fat.”
“She’s a horrible mom.”
“She thinks she’s so pretty, but she’s not. She’s ugly.”
“Her husband is such a loser. I can’t believe she is still with him.”
Ouch! Words really do hurt.
Past mistakes, debt, addiction and physical appearance are only a few of the factors that can influence our own personal self-evaluation, but our true value is found in the answer to this question: Who am I?
Read MoreValentine's Day is approaching and with it can come a host of emotions and responses, depending on one’s love life.
There’s the, “I LOVE Valentine’s Day!” women who always seem to get chocolates, flowers and dates.
There’s the, “I HATE Valentine’s Day” women who never get chocolates, flowers or dates.
There’s the neutral response, “It’s just another day” women who may have gotten chocolates, flowers or dates in the past, and may or may not this year, but it’s really not their thing.
And then, there’s the rest of us.
Read MoreAccording to Merriam Webster, a boundary is something that shows where an area ends and another area begins; a point or limit that indicates where two things become different.
Boundaries are then unofficial rules about what should not be done; limits that define acceptable behavior.
But when addiction takes root, boundaries become blurred, extended, trampled on, and unrecognizable. And the spouse of an addict can feel very disoriented and alone.
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