First and foremost, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17 NIV) If your friend’s husband is in active addition, this is definitely a time of adversity. This is going to be one of the hardest things she ever goes through. Supporting her and letting her know you’ve got her back is probably the thing she needs the most right now. Don’t just tell her you’re praying for her, but actually do it. Get on your knees and pray that God will give her strength and guidance because she’s going to need it. While you’re at it, pray for her husband too.Read More
"I don't know if I even believe in God."
The words out of my husband's mouth shocked me. He had recently returned home from a faith-based rehab that I "just knew" was going to purge his mind of all things addiction, and turn him into the husband I'd always dreamed of having. To be honest, his admittance made me angry.
"You shouldn't even be alive! How have you still not surrendered to God? Really? You got us to where we are now, and you still think you can fix this on your own?!? Ugh."
Are you familiar with the comic strip “Keeping up with the Joneses”? It was written by Arthur (aka “Pop”) Momand and ran from approximately 1913 to 1938. This comic depicted the McGinis family struggling to keep up with the lifestyle of their neighbors, the Jones family (who are never actually seen in the comic). This comic popularized the catchphrase “Keeping up with the Joneses”, which refers to people’s tendency to judge their own social standing according to that of their neighbors.Read More
We climb the societal ladder claiming labels along the way. We think those things will make us happy, but we’re disappointed when we realize these labels cannot fulfill our hearts. In other ways, we look for wholeness. We may criticize our spouses because of everything they aren’t doing because we think we’d feel better if they did. Or, we criticize ourselves and make plans to lose weight or buy something we think will fill us up. Our unending cycle of searching only stops when we find God. Being a part of the Kingdom of Heaven is where we find true love and wholeness that the world can’t give.Read More
After many years of struggling with an addicted father, our family relationships were on thin ice. For the past few years, my sisters and I completely disagreed on how to deal with my dad while still supporting our mom. I vividly remember fights I had with both of my sisters where they were either really mad with something I did or vice versa. During one of these disagreements with my sister, a question from childhood came to my head that began to guide every decision I made when it came to my father. What would Jesus ACTUALLY do?Read More
It’s impossible to get older and wiser without doing something that leaves us with a regret. The word “regret” has a nasty connotation but it’s life experience we can glean wisdom from- or not. In my experience, the people I know who, “Live with no regrets!” are generally foolish, or bound and bent for trouble.
Learning from a regret takes away its power over our lives. It can become a gift of foresight, intelligence, prudence, sound judgement, discernment, and create some good ol' gumption.Read More
You know those people that speak their thoughts and react without even thinking, and even when they do reign in the strength to shut it, the look on their face tells it all? Yeah, that's me. I wear my feelings on my face.
Being submissive is not natural for me. As much as I try to be nice, my nonexistent filter interferes. This is why writing works better; there is a delete button.
"He's not going to boss me around."
"I didn't marry him to be his servant."Read More
My son read, “Because of Winn Dixie” in school. Have you read it? I hadn't heard of it. I told him when he finished we would watch the movie together. What a great movie it was! I mean, a bit cheesy acting, but an excellent premise.
Sorry if this is all old news for you but it’s the first time I’d seen or heard of it.
One of the scenes really got to me. Gloria, a nearly blind older woman, took Opal to her tree filled with bottles to teach her a lesson on judgement and forgiveness.Read More
It’s hard to love someone who hurts us over and over again; addicts hurt people.
When my husband was in active addiction, he made me feel like I was losing my mind. My intuition would kick in, and I’d sense something wasn’t right. I would ask him about it and he would turn it back onto me. Accusing me of, “Focusing on the negative” or give some overly-detailed, incredible story to explain the situation. As it turns out, most of the time my intuition was spot on! I had not let my imagination get the best of me. My husband was gaslighting me, one of many types of psychological abuse.Read More
The atmosphere of our home is important. In fact, I would encourage any woman reading this to make their home's atmosphere one of their steadfast boundaries and top priorities. The goalpost on personal boundaries can move as we figure out what’s reasonable and what's not or what worked and what didn’t. As far as the home is concerned, it’s best served as a place of refuge. If we have children, this is even more important!
I would bet that if you have a loved one actively addicted to something, you can feel the difference when they’re in the room. I’m sorry to say it, but that’s the enemy at work and entering your home through sin. You wouldn’t knowingly invite the devil in, so why allow him a seat at your table?Read More
Mother’s day is coming.
Though I try to keep my expectations low, I cannot help but hope that this year will be the year I'm treated like the princess I’d like to be. The queen of the nest. The cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. In reality, mothers are more of a well-oiled factory than we are the shining star of the show. The world says the state of our product determines our efficiency- never mind, all our employees are treated like gold, given bonuses on holidays and enjoy their family Christmas party each year. No, the product (children!), which we have no control over, determines our value.Read More
Things change and are different than they seem. We lived a life that was not what people thought it was. We weren’t who people saw when they looked at us, although to them, we were. However, when we walked through the doors of the rehab hospitals, our looks matched where we were. We mimicked the responses and the actions of those who sat in the circle around us. Some new, some seasoned and we were both at different times. Each time we entered, we were hardened a little more. We appeared to have it all- nice clothes, nice cars, a nice house, but not a home and not a mother.Read More
When it comes to health and beauty, the Bible is a handbook that is often overlooked. Essential oils are repeatedly mentioned in the Bible for uses such as aromatherapy, healing, cleansing and anointing. Even the Apostles used essential oils! When God created the Earth, He gave us everything we would need to live a healthy life as well as the tools to keep ourselves feeling fabulous while doing it!Read More
Once upon a time...
There was a girl. Her beautiful spirit and tender heart were qualities bestowed upon her by the King Himself. Like a rare bird, she soared through life never knowing what the day would bring nor worrying about it either.
She was free.Read More
It can be damaging trying to get through a loved one's addiction without learning to practice self-care. If we aren't careful, we will come out much worse than how we went into it. The years of stress and worry will leave their marks behind and we will have little to show for our troubles.
I'm sure you've heard it said that God can use anything for your good. But what is our responsibility in hard times? What part do we play in making sure that we are healthy, happy and whole? Is passing the buck and trusting God, enough?
Well... not completely. We've got to do our part!Read More
In my marriage, there have been many ups and downs. I'd love to say there have been more ups than downs but I feel like that may be a lie. But it's not like I have been feeling bad for all these years!
Do you know what I mean?
In addiction circles, they call this, “practicing detachment” which essentially means we aren’t allowing the decisions and actions of others to affect our mood, thoughts and feelings.
I teach a lesson on detachment in my eCourse on how to make good, Godly boundaries. The course, 'UnBound Me', is currently being updated and will be relaunched later in 2018 but today, I’d like to talk more in-depth about detachment.Read More